[ there's a nod because yeah. yeah? he seems a little more at ease than he has the last few days and a little less loud and all over the place, so that probably helps. ]
Thanks. I'm glad it did, too. [ mmm... ] Earlier today, I think. It just felt like it reconnected. I still don't think there's really a way to tell what the river might take though. Pretty sure Elysium lost memories of a whole person instead of something else. And I don't know about Reirin or Siffrin.
Pretty sure, yeah. The only reason I even noticed is because we were talking and he was describing someone that I'm pretty sure I knew he shouldn't have forgotten. But he said he couldn't remember that they were important to him, or why. I haven't asked if he remembers now, but based on earlier today I think it cleared up.
So we know it can take something for healing. Just not when it'll come back. But... at least we now know it will?
[ he remains quiet to let this sink in. having seen her sekai, knowing a little about how things are for her and how her feelings manifest themselves, he's not too surprised this is the case.
when you don't have much that's yours to begin with, losing even a part of it is something there's no coming back from. it's something he understands well enough himself, given he's someone who constantly had to worry about losing other people and losing himself along the way.
(he has some questions about the sense of taste thing because that feels weirdly out of place, but that's not important right now.) ]
I get it. [ first and foremost. he doesn't bother verbally relating it to himself because this isn't about him, but he's definitely thinking about it. ] It's like... even if it's a small piece, it's still a piece of who you are and it throws the whole balance off. You aren't yourself anymore, and everything you've worked so hard for falls apart. Temporary or not, it's not a great feeling. Especially since you're never going to forget how it felt in the first place.
[ She says this softly. She's been fighting for this as desperately as she could, even if no one really knows what that desperation looks like for Mafuyu.
She shudders now, legs drawing closer to her chest. ]
I've gotten this far and I still have... a really long way to go. Even though Miku says I've changed.
I don't want to go back... to missing a part of me. Another part. Any part.
[ to his credit, he does not have a visible or much of an emotional reaction to her mentioning miku. meeting tsukasa's first really is doing a lot of the work here.
but that... kind of hurts to hear, because he'd suspected as much and it's way too easy to fill in the gaps. where do you go when you can't figure out the right path? what do you do when the things you fight for to keep for yourself are ripped right out of your hands? you keep fighting, sure, but what happens when the fight is too hard to keep fighting on your own?
he watches her from the corner of his eye, but he does scoot a tiny bit closer even while he stares at the river instead to mull over an answer. ]
... this might not mean much coming from me, because we just met. But I think the fact that you have come this far is something you need to be proud of. It's a sign that you've changed. I think it's that trying to find yourself is one of those things that can be really hard when you don't know what that always looks like. I know I've come pretty far since last year, too, but... I still don't really know where I'm going. There's still a lot left for me to figure out.
But going backwards isn't an option. You worked hard to find those parts and earn them. They're yours to keep, and nobody should get to take those away. Especially not some dumb river. [ ... ] It's scary to think about losing those parts, because sometimes it makes you think about if they were ever really yours at all. But they are. No matter what.
It's... so true. She can't. She can't go back anymore. She's slowly taking steps towards what she wants, even if she doesn't fully understand where that will lead her. And in the end... she'll have to meet her mother again. She'll have to reaffirm her stance again.
Both Yosuke and Tsukasa think she's come so far, even if it doesn't feel like it. ]
I don't want to let the river take anything. Not if I don't have to.
[ it's always easier for other people to see your progress. but isn't that the point of having other people to support you? they're the ones who will remind you of the work you've put in already and what you're fighting for.
for mafuyu, even if he doesn't know everything about her, the things she's seen in memories and the things she's said are enough he can read the lines and paint a familiar picture. when you're desperate to change and have something for your own, you cling with all you have even if sometimes you tire yourself out. ]
I'm glad you weren't hurt more than you already were. [ first of all. ] I wish we had more bandages and stuff, but we're going to make it work. Don't worry.
[ medea had asked him if he would have dunked himself in the river if he knew it'd take something from him, and he had said no. if he'd know it'd take his persona, of course he'd refuse. he understands the idea now, a sacrifice for a restoration, but there are too many things he's fought too hard for to be taken out of his control. he figures mafuyu feels the same.
he wants to ask her about what happened on her adventure, how things went, but he's also fine letting the conversation flow however is comfortable for her. he's learned enough how to work with people who are quieter. when they ask questions, you answer them. ]
As for last year... lonely? [ a little wry, but he thinks that's a good summation. ] But it was so much easier to pretend I wasn't and lie to people about how I felt to try and keep them around. [ he thinks about stopping there, but then he thinks maybe this will help clarify why he says some of the things he says. ] I felt like I was suffocating, wasting away in a tiny town I never wanted to move to. I didn't want Inaba, and Inaba didn't want us. But I didn't want to cause more trouble for my family by speaking up against the things people said, so I tried to act like everything was fine and I had nothing to worry about.
[ There are things she can't relate to and things she can. Mafuyu hasn't moved. She's never lived in a tiny town, though she imagines if she'd moved to one, it might be simpler. She hasn't had to face... resentment? It sounds like resentment. But to keep up a certain facade, to avoid causing trouble for her family? Acting like everything was fine?
She can understand that all too well. She wonders if that's why he's seemed so concerned about her, because he recognizes aspects of what he's lived in her. ]
But you're not lonely anymore... and you're more honest? I don't feel like you've been lying to me, anyway.
[ Unlike Mafuyu, who started off being pleasant and amicable with everyone at the very beginning, desperate for a sense of stability and refusing to reveal her true, fractured nature. ]
[ it's a little too easy to imagine what her shadow might say to her, yeah.
there's a soft laugh under his breath when she says that though, not quite self-deprecating but not quite accepting either. ]
I don't have a reason to lie to you. [ try to impress her and other people, sure, but not really outright lie. he also doesn't address the lonely thing because that's a whole other issue. ] But I'm trying to be. More honest, I mean. I made a promise to myself that I'd try to keep living and stop running away. But even wanting to do that, it doesn't always mean it's easy.
[ She says nothing to point it out, but she does silently note that he'd skipped right over that loneliness. Well, he had said he missed his friends. Maybe it went beyond just here. ]
... It's not easy. And sometimes, you do have to run away. So it's even harder to determine what the right course of action should be.
[ Mafuyu is quiet for a few more minutes after that, and then finally, her shoulders slump a bit. ]
[ it sure does, and maybe he'll talk about that another time. ]
... I can't disagree with that. Sometimes there're things you're not ready to face, or things that will have consequences you don't want. So you run and strategize again. But at the same time, that's when you have other people you can count on to ask for help.
[ but enough of that. instead, he stays quiet when she falls quiet, turning his head to watch her again. ]
You did. [ there's a half-smile of gratitude, but he seems to be deciding the best route. ] ... you said it was hard to think because everything was so loud when you guys got back. Does your head feel a little more clear now?
[ She lifts a hand up to her hair, where the bunny ears had once been. ]
I could hear better with those ears, but there was also a lot happening. I spent time with someone whose singing voice could shatter stone, and then we had to fight him. There were explosions, as well.
[ Just a lot of Noise. ]
And not much time to rest before we were suddenly forced into a dating show that I was compelled to answer questions for... so I took some time to think about everything that happened and how I felt about it.
[ his gaze flicks up to the top of her head and then back down to her face. ]
Sorry about the questions, by the way... but it was the only way for us to take a shot at figuring out who you were. [ and she'd said "but i would accept outside advice as to what they liked and give them what they desired." and that's about when he started thinking it was her. ] Not sure I like the part where you guys had to be aware and play along just to come back.
[ but he shakes his head because what's done is done. ]
Sounds like a lot happened out there. Will you tell me about it? Where did you actually go?
[ Dutifully. The roar was, in actuality, Mafuyu sighing and also choosing not to answer the question, so. Still a valid call-out. ]
... As to where we went... it was some sort of castle in the mist. We were together briefly when we entered, but then once we found an altar upstairs, the doors closed behind us. Edamura-san thought he could hear something, and Tsukasa found a troupe in the middle of practice, but I realized the doors were unlocked again.
They led to an empty ballroom where someone was hiding under a table, and when I went to check on them, the doors closed again. That's how we were separated.
You're plenty cute, but I can see you're not gonna let me live that down...
[ damn. she's so right though, i would also roar if some moron was badgering me with stupid questions.
that aside... ]
Sounds like you guys split up pretty early. [ different than theirs already. ] Wait, does that mean you were by yourself for a while? [ also, he's going to regret asking perhaps: ] Who was under the table... ?
A man... he was afraid of me at first, but he realized I wasn't a part of the castle. He said staying with him was dangerous, but he also agreed to help me find the others and he asked me to sing for him. He said... he couldn't sing anymore, but I could tell he truly loved music.
So he--Lucian--accompanied me for most of my time there, since I was a noncombatant.
Afraid of you? [ in a slightly confused tone because she's not exactly intimidating, but he also doesn't know the circumstances. ]
Even though it was dangerous you let him come with you? I guess there wasn't really another option that would make sense at that point. [ this feels like a trap already, but he's remaining as impassive as possible. ]
How'd you get out of the room? Where did you guys go next?
At first, yes. She reminded me of the pain I'd caused my mother... and called me a coward. She said my true self wasn't what anyone wanted. And that I didn't want to be alone.
It made me remember... how scared I still am of being rejected.
[ again, he's going to blow up purgatory. unfortunately though he's been keeping his emotions in check around her there is a brief little spike of worry and also anger when she says that before he puts them back in check. ]
... am. As in currently? [ he has a lot to say still about all of that, but he's not going to jump in and say "that's not true!" until he gets a better sense of where her head is at. ]
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depressured) wrote2025-11-03 09:04 pm
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Thanks. I'm glad it did, too. [ mmm... ] Earlier today, I think. It just felt like it reconnected. I still don't think there's really a way to tell what the river might take though. Pretty sure Elysium lost memories of a whole person instead of something else. And I don't know about Reirin or Siffrin.
[ since siffrin? isn't healed? i think. ]
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[ Good to have it confirmed, she guesses. Even though finding out like that... ]
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So we know it can take something for healing. Just not when it'll come back. But... at least we now know it will?
[ a pause. ]
But you still don't have to go in.
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[ Steadily. Still very firmly. ]
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... did something happen while you were gone to make you so sure of this?
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[ Because...
Her gaze sinks further down. There's just a sense of... emptiness. Fear. ]
I've lost things before. My synthesizer. My sense of taste. My true feelings. The relationship with my mother. Access to my SEKAI, temporarily.
It doesn't matter, fleeting or not. I don't... want to lose anything or anyone else. That scares me more than anything.
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when you don't have much that's yours to begin with, losing even a part of it is something there's no coming back from. it's something he understands well enough himself, given he's someone who constantly had to worry about losing other people and losing himself along the way.
(he has some questions about the sense of taste thing because that feels weirdly out of place, but that's not important right now.) ]
I get it. [ first and foremost. he doesn't bother verbally relating it to himself because this isn't about him, but he's definitely thinking about it. ] It's like... even if it's a small piece, it's still a piece of who you are and it throws the whole balance off. You aren't yourself anymore, and everything you've worked so hard for falls apart. Temporary or not, it's not a great feeling. Especially since you're never going to forget how it felt in the first place.
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[ She says this softly. She's been fighting for this as desperately as she could, even if no one really knows what that desperation looks like for Mafuyu.
She shudders now, legs drawing closer to her chest. ]
I've gotten this far and I still have... a really long way to go. Even though Miku says I've changed.
I don't want to go back... to missing a part of me. Another part. Any part.
[ Yosuke gets it. ]
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but that... kind of hurts to hear, because he'd suspected as much and it's way too easy to fill in the gaps. where do you go when you can't figure out the right path? what do you do when the things you fight for to keep for yourself are ripped right out of your hands? you keep fighting, sure, but what happens when the fight is too hard to keep fighting on your own?
he watches her from the corner of his eye, but he does scoot a tiny bit closer even while he stares at the river instead to mull over an answer. ]
... this might not mean much coming from me, because we just met. But I think the fact that you have come this far is something you need to be proud of. It's a sign that you've changed. I think it's that trying to find yourself is one of those things that can be really hard when you don't know what that always looks like. I know I've come pretty far since last year, too, but... I still don't really know where I'm going. There's still a lot left for me to figure out.
But going backwards isn't an option. You worked hard to find those parts and earn them. They're yours to keep, and nobody should get to take those away. Especially not some dumb river. [ ... ] It's scary to think about losing those parts, because sometimes it makes you think about if they were ever really yours at all. But they are. No matter what.
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It's... so true. She can't. She can't go back anymore. She's slowly taking steps towards what she wants, even if she doesn't fully understand where that will lead her. And in the end... she'll have to meet her mother again. She'll have to reaffirm her stance again.
Both Yosuke and Tsukasa think she's come so far, even if it doesn't feel like it. ]
I don't want to let the river take anything. Not if I don't have to.
... What were you like last year?
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for mafuyu, even if he doesn't know everything about her, the things she's seen in memories and the things she's said are enough he can read the lines and paint a familiar picture. when you're desperate to change and have something for your own, you cling with all you have even if sometimes you tire yourself out. ]
I'm glad you weren't hurt more than you already were. [ first of all. ] I wish we had more bandages and stuff, but we're going to make it work. Don't worry.
[ medea had asked him if he would have dunked himself in the river if he knew it'd take something from him, and he had said no. if he'd know it'd take his persona, of course he'd refuse. he understands the idea now, a sacrifice for a restoration, but there are too many things he's fought too hard for to be taken out of his control. he figures mafuyu feels the same.
he wants to ask her about what happened on her adventure, how things went, but he's also fine letting the conversation flow however is comfortable for her. he's learned enough how to work with people who are quieter. when they ask questions, you answer them. ]
As for last year... lonely? [ a little wry, but he thinks that's a good summation. ] But it was so much easier to pretend I wasn't and lie to people about how I felt to try and keep them around. [ he thinks about stopping there, but then he thinks maybe this will help clarify why he says some of the things he says. ] I felt like I was suffocating, wasting away in a tiny town I never wanted to move to. I didn't want Inaba, and Inaba didn't want us. But I didn't want to cause more trouble for my family by speaking up against the things people said, so I tried to act like everything was fine and I had nothing to worry about.
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She can understand that all too well. She wonders if that's why he's seemed so concerned about her, because he recognizes aspects of what he's lived in her. ]
But you're not lonely anymore... and you're more honest? I don't feel like you've been lying to me, anyway.
[ Unlike Mafuyu, who started off being pleasant and amicable with everyone at the very beginning, desperate for a sense of stability and refusing to reveal her true, fractured nature. ]
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there's a soft laugh under his breath when she says that though, not quite self-deprecating but not quite accepting either. ]
I don't have a reason to lie to you. [ try to impress her and other people, sure, but not really outright lie. he also doesn't address the lonely thing because that's a whole other issue. ] But I'm trying to be. More honest, I mean. I made a promise to myself that I'd try to keep living and stop running away. But even wanting to do that, it doesn't always mean it's easy.
[ or, like, that he's successful. ]
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... It's not easy. And sometimes, you do have to run away. So it's even harder to determine what the right course of action should be.
[ Mafuyu is quiet for a few more minutes after that, and then finally, her shoulders slump a bit. ]
You have questions. I said I'd answer them.
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... I can't disagree with that. Sometimes there're things you're not ready to face, or things that will have consequences you don't want. So you run and strategize again. But at the same time, that's when you have other people you can count on to ask for help.
[ but enough of that. instead, he stays quiet when she falls quiet, turning his head to watch her again. ]
You did. [ there's a half-smile of gratitude, but he seems to be deciding the best route. ] ... you said it was hard to think because everything was so loud when you guys got back. Does your head feel a little more clear now?
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[ She lifts a hand up to her hair, where the bunny ears had once been. ]
I could hear better with those ears, but there was also a lot happening. I spent time with someone whose singing voice could shatter stone, and then we had to fight him. There were explosions, as well.
[ Just a lot of Noise. ]
And not much time to rest before we were suddenly forced into a dating show that I was compelled to answer questions for... so I took some time to think about everything that happened and how I felt about it.
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Sorry about the questions, by the way... but it was the only way for us to take a shot at figuring out who you were. [ and she'd said "but i would accept outside advice as to what they liked and give them what they desired." and that's about when he started thinking it was her. ] Not sure I like the part where you guys had to be aware and play along just to come back.
[ but he shakes his head because what's done is done. ]
Sounds like a lot happened out there. Will you tell me about it? Where did you actually go?
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[ Dutifully. The roar was, in actuality, Mafuyu sighing and also choosing not to answer the question, so. Still a valid call-out. ]
... As to where we went... it was some sort of castle in the mist. We were together briefly when we entered, but then once we found an altar upstairs, the doors closed behind us. Edamura-san thought he could hear something, and Tsukasa found a troupe in the middle of practice, but I realized the doors were unlocked again.
They led to an empty ballroom where someone was hiding under a table, and when I went to check on them, the doors closed again. That's how we were separated.
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[ damn. she's so right though, i would also roar if some moron was badgering me with stupid questions.
that aside... ]
Sounds like you guys split up pretty early. [ different than theirs already. ] Wait, does that mean you were by yourself for a while? [ also, he's going to regret asking perhaps: ] Who was under the table... ?
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A man... he was afraid of me at first, but he realized I wasn't a part of the castle. He said staying with him was dangerous, but he also agreed to help me find the others and he asked me to sing for him. He said... he couldn't sing anymore, but I could tell he truly loved music.
So he--Lucian--accompanied me for most of my time there, since I was a noncombatant.
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Even though it was dangerous you let him come with you? I guess there wasn't really another option that would make sense at that point. [ this feels like a trap already, but he's remaining as impassive as possible. ]
How'd you get out of the room? Where did you guys go next?
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[ She takes a breath. ]
We were able to leave out another door, but then we ended up in a room with a mirror and statues with their eyes closed.
... The mirror had my reflection and his. Mine said... a lot of things, about my insecurities. And my feelings. What I was afraid of.
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... hard to avoid when it's literally looking you in the face. [ that sounds hellish actually. though he does have to ask: ] Were they true?
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It made me remember... how scared I still am of being rejected.
[ Basically she did indeed meet her shadow-- ]
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... am. As in currently? [ he has a lot to say still about all of that, but he's not going to jump in and say "that's not true!" until he gets a better sense of where her head is at. ]
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