Yeah, that's sort of how I felt after we got back, too. [ they didn't die, so that had to count. he lets that hang for a bit, reaching forward to poke at his shoelace just to busy his hands and not put her on the spot immediately. ]
I know this may be hard for you to answer [ for... multiple reasons... ], but how are you feeling now?
[ he doesn't want to offer a second time to heal her if she would rather not, but he does at least keep this in mind as he nods along. ]
It's a lot easier to ignore how much it hurts when you're in the moment. You kinda keep going until your adrenaline taps out, but the aftermath sucks. I used to pass out for hours after we finished a fight. [ but yes... the thinking. ]
Was it stuff you were able to find answers to, at least? Or just kinda... thinking about the things that happened and why?
Edited (technically he is between reasons to fight ig) 2025-12-07 20:26 (UTC)
I get it. I spent a long time thinking after ours, too. Still am, I guess.
[ but ah... this would be a lot easier if he knew if she knew about ryuji, but he also has already learned his lesson about spilling other people's secrets, so he debates... ]
It's a really long story, but... the short version is that there was a case we wanted to solve. It kinda evolved from there. We were the only ones who could stop more people from being killed.
[ yes and he is now concerned if her sekai has somehow gotten worse. he keeps that thought to himself though. ]
... okay, so you know how you get to your SEKAI through your phone? Maybe you won't think it's so weird to hear that there's a whole other world inside the TV. But like your SEKAI, only certain kinds of people can enter that world, or bring other people there themselves. My friends and I were some of those people, and the killer was someone with the same kind of power.
the fact that she doesn't seem stunned helps a little. it's easier to elaborate this way. ]
Inside the TV is a whole other world. And in that world, it was covered in fog and there were these monsters called Shadows. They're monsters born from people's suppressed feelings. While people may not always be able to enter the TV, on certain nights anyone can look into it. It started with a rumor: if you look at a dark, turned-off TV at midnight on a rainy night, you'd see your soulmate. But that wasn't true. What they were seeing was a person that was on everybody's minds, reflected back at them. And when the image was more clear, it was a person who was trapped in that world. [ so. she may notice this probably has something to do with why he talks to her the way he does. ] If a person was thrown into the TV and left there, eventually their own Shadow would be born from those feelings. They were safe while the fog was still lingering, but the minute the fog cleared on that side, the Shadows would go crazy and kill whoever was in there. Their body would be thrown back out to our world and nobody would be able to tell how they died.
The killer didn't really know the first time, just that he could push people in and leave them there to punish them, or to have power over them. But he knew exactly what would happen the second time. The second time, he pushed a girl into that world and told her that if she begged, maybe he'd let her out.
... they found her body strung up on a rooftop a few days after they found the first. And after they told us she'd been murdered, I knew there was something happening that involved the Midnight Channel and needed to solve it. For Saki-senpai's sake. [ ... well. ] ... for my own sake, truthfully.
[ This is a lot of information. And Mafuyu listens attentively, eyes resting on his face as he talks. It occurs to her that it makes sense, why he's seemed so concerned about her. Shadows. Monsters born from suppressed feelings. Mafuyu, who didn't quite emote properly--no, probably even back when she'd told him about the expectations of being perfect, he was probably envisioning how easily she'd be torn apart by these Shadows.
Maybe she's been concerning him from the start.
But after all of that, him explaining the methods, the supernatural things he knew of...
Her eyebrows draw together, faintly. ]
Does it have to be one or the other? It could be both.
[ even if he didn't have the experience he has, he would've been a little concerned about her, but that certainly hasn't helped. he doesn't think he has to spell it out for her, why he's been here consistently and trying to get her to talk about things little by little. he had expected questions, but not quite that one. ]
... it was both. But at first, I wanted everyone to think that it was just for her. I thought that if I found the culprit and brought them to justice, I'd finally have a purpose in Inaba. Maybe I could've been a hero, and things could've been better. I'd have a reason to be special.
It should've. I marched up to Yu and told him I was going into the TV world and he was coming with me, because I couldn't get there myself. I had to go see what I could find about Saki-senpai.
[ mmmmmm. he thinks about this for a moment. ]
Your reflection called you a coward and tried to tell you that your true self wasn't what anybody wanted. It reminded you that you were scared to be rejected, and of what happened to you and your mom. [ lightly, like he doesn't want to bring it up again but as a point. ]
...my Shadow said I thought everything around me was a pain in the ass... reminded me how sick I was of living out in the sticks with nothing to do. The murders were the first "exciting" thing to happen since I'd moved there six months ago, and I was only there because it sounded like a good time. Exploring a brand new world? Why wouldn't that be exciting? Saki-senpai's death was just an excuse, and if I was the one to solve it, people would think more highly of me.
[ there's a small, bitter smirk. ]
"You put on a good show of being carefree and happy-go-lucky 'cause you're so terrified of being alone. The more the merrier, right? You've gotta be surrounded by people to block out the pain of isolation."
... I denied it, obviously. I said none of it was true, that it didn't know me. And it said that of course it did, because it was me. So I denied it again. It couldn't have been me, because it was nothing like me, right? I didn't really feel that way. I didn't think that way at all. But... when you deny your feelings for too long, eventually they'll grow too strong. So my Shadow became a monster.
There's the slightest twinge of discomfort for her when he recounts what she told him, even though she accepts it. Those words, coming out of her own (reflection's) mouth, were only slightly better compared to Kaito's bitter, accusatory tone when he told her to wake up, that her mother was systematically destroying everything she'd learned about herself so far.
She'd denied it then, loudly, scared. It's easy enough to imagine Yosuke lashing out at something he didn't understand, saying words that didn't seek to prove understanding, only to target the weak points. ]
It became a monster, after it said so many painful things. You were already compromised.
but yes. he figures it's an easy enough comparison to understand. the emotion that kind of floats around is still a little shame, and a little resignation as he shrugs. ]
Yeah, but I passed out after it transformed. If it weren't for Yu... [ well. he shakes his head. ]
After he beat it and I came to, it had turned back into looking like me again. It was waiting for me to accept it, and to admit that those were my real feelings and fears. I still didn't want to, because I was ashamed that they were real and even more that someone else had to see all of them like that. But... I did accept that it was me, and it came back into my heart as something else. And since then it's been my power.
[ without notice, a hand's come up to linger over his chest. ]
That's what the river took from me. And that's why I couldn't understand how.
I see... the acceptance of your shadow. It's... very Jungian. Your repressed self. The potential it could take, one way or another. The shadow, to the persona.
[ Jung would have had a field day with this. She glances down at his hand for a moment. ]
... For the river to take something like that... means that nothing is really off-limits. It's entirely possible it could remove a person's entire self, even if not permanently.
That's... what's called, actually. When I accepted my Shadow, it became my Persona. [ ... ] That's how Yu beat my Shadow, and that's how we kept beating everybody else's. As more people we knew started getting kidnapped, their Shadows would appear as soon as they were in the TV. To rescue them, we'd find their dungeon, get to the top, and fight their Shadow to help them accept themselves. Naoto said it's like... a Shadow's suppressed power, but when controlled by a person's ego it turns into a Persona.
[ so yes. the idea it can be removed is scary. ]
I still don't understand how it came back either, but I care less about that. I don't want to lose it ever again... to have to feel that weird emptiness.
Then... we just have to make sure you aren't badly hurt.
[ ... Hm. ]
I'll do my best to protect you, Hanamura-san.
[ So says the noncombatant. But that's quite a thing to lose, even temporarily. She's not sure how that feels, but she thinks it would leave her feeling even more empty than before.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
depressured) wrote2025-11-03 09:04 pm
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And then we ended up back here.
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... does it bother you to not know what happened to Lucian after you guys split up to come back?
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[ he went through a lot. ]
But he's back where he belongs, with his organization. So I think... he should be able to live his own life now.
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... you guys did a good thing helping him, even with such a high risk. I'm just sorry it had to go like this.
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[ Which is the most important part. ]
So I'm glad we made it back. All of us.
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I know this may be hard for you to answer [ for... multiple reasons... ], but how are you feeling now?
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[ ... ]
Physically? Mentally?
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How about both? It might be a little easier to really tell now that things have quieted down.
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[ The bruises are finally sinking in. ]
And... tired. I had a lot to think about.
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It's a lot easier to ignore how much it hurts when you're in the moment. You kinda keep going until your adrenaline taps out, but the aftermath sucks. I used to pass out for hours after we finished a fight. [ but yes... the thinking. ]
Was it stuff you were able to find answers to, at least? Or just kinda... thinking about the things that happened and why?
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The latter.
[ ... ]
... Why were you fighting?
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I get it. I spent a long time thinking after ours, too. Still am, I guess.
[ but ah... this would be a lot easier if he knew if she knew about ryuji, but he also has already learned his lesson about spilling other people's secrets, so he debates... ]
It's a really long story, but... the short version is that there was a case we wanted to solve. It kinda evolved from there. We were the only ones who could stop more people from being killed.
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[ She says this patiently.
Yosuke, please. You've been inside her phone. ]
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... okay, so you know how you get to your SEKAI through your phone? Maybe you won't think it's so weird to hear that there's a whole other world inside the TV. But like your SEKAI, only certain kinds of people can enter that world, or bring other people there themselves. My friends and I were some of those people, and the killer was someone with the same kind of power.
[ so. they were the only ones. ]
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So, the killer was... committing acts inside... rather, in this other world?
[ She doesn't appear stunned, at least. ]
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the fact that she doesn't seem stunned helps a little. it's easier to elaborate this way. ]
Inside the TV is a whole other world. And in that world, it was covered in fog and there were these monsters called Shadows. They're monsters born from people's suppressed feelings. While people may not always be able to enter the TV, on certain nights anyone can look into it. It started with a rumor: if you look at a dark, turned-off TV at midnight on a rainy night, you'd see your soulmate. But that wasn't true. What they were seeing was a person that was on everybody's minds, reflected back at them. And when the image was more clear, it was a person who was trapped in that world. [ so. she may notice this probably has something to do with why he talks to her the way he does. ] If a person was thrown into the TV and left there, eventually their own Shadow would be born from those feelings. They were safe while the fog was still lingering, but the minute the fog cleared on that side, the Shadows would go crazy and kill whoever was in there. Their body would be thrown back out to our world and nobody would be able to tell how they died.
The killer didn't really know the first time, just that he could push people in and leave them there to punish them, or to have power over them. But he knew exactly what would happen the second time. The second time, he pushed a girl into that world and told her that if she begged, maybe he'd let her out.
... they found her body strung up on a rooftop a few days after they found the first. And after they told us she'd been murdered, I knew there was something happening that involved the Midnight Channel and needed to solve it. For Saki-senpai's sake. [ ... well. ] ... for my own sake, truthfully.
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Maybe she's been concerning him from the start.
But after all of that, him explaining the methods, the supernatural things he knew of...
Her eyebrows draw together, faintly. ]
Does it have to be one or the other? It could be both.
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... it was both. But at first, I wanted everyone to think that it was just for her. I thought that if I found the culprit and brought them to justice, I'd finally have a purpose in Inaba. Maybe I could've been a hero, and things could've been better. I'd have a reason to be special.
[ ask him how that went. ]
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[ She's asking him how it went. Be proud of her, bracket text. ]
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[ mmmmmm. he thinks about this for a moment. ]
Your reflection called you a coward and tried to tell you that your true self wasn't what anybody wanted. It reminded you that you were scared to be rejected, and of what happened to you and your mom. [ lightly, like he doesn't want to bring it up again but as a point. ]
...my Shadow said I thought everything around me was a pain in the ass... reminded me how sick I was of living out in the sticks with nothing to do. The murders were the first "exciting" thing to happen since I'd moved there six months ago, and I was only there because it sounded like a good time. Exploring a brand new world? Why wouldn't that be exciting? Saki-senpai's death was just an excuse, and if I was the one to solve it, people would think more highly of me.
[ there's a small, bitter smirk. ]
"You put on a good show of being carefree and happy-go-lucky 'cause you're so terrified of being alone. The more the merrier, right? You've gotta be surrounded by people to block out the pain of isolation."
... I denied it, obviously. I said none of it was true, that it didn't know me. And it said that of course it did, because it was me. So I denied it again. It couldn't have been me, because it was nothing like me, right? I didn't really feel that way. I didn't think that way at all. But... when you deny your feelings for too long, eventually they'll grow too strong. So my Shadow became a monster.
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There's the slightest twinge of discomfort for her when he recounts what she told him, even though she accepts it. Those words, coming out of her own (reflection's) mouth, were only slightly better compared to Kaito's bitter, accusatory tone when he told her to wake up, that her mother was systematically destroying everything she'd learned about herself so far.
She'd denied it then, loudly, scared. It's easy enough to imagine Yosuke lashing out at something he didn't understand, saying words that didn't seek to prove understanding, only to target the weak points. ]
It became a monster, after it said so many painful things. You were already compromised.
... I'm assuming it tried to kill you?
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but yes. he figures it's an easy enough comparison to understand. the emotion that kind of floats around is still a little shame, and a little resignation as he shrugs. ]
Yeah, but I passed out after it transformed. If it weren't for Yu... [ well. he shakes his head. ]
After he beat it and I came to, it had turned back into looking like me again. It was waiting for me to accept it, and to admit that those were my real feelings and fears. I still didn't want to, because I was ashamed that they were real and even more that someone else had to see all of them like that. But... I did accept that it was me, and it came back into my heart as something else. And since then it's been my power.
[ without notice, a hand's come up to linger over his chest. ]
That's what the river took from me. And that's why I couldn't understand how.
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[ Jung would have had a field day with this. She glances down at his hand for a moment. ]
... For the river to take something like that... means that nothing is really off-limits. It's entirely possible it could remove a person's entire self, even if not permanently.
no subject
That's... what's called, actually. When I accepted my Shadow, it became my Persona. [ ... ] That's how Yu beat my Shadow, and that's how we kept beating everybody else's. As more people we knew started getting kidnapped, their Shadows would appear as soon as they were in the TV. To rescue them, we'd find their dungeon, get to the top, and fight their Shadow to help them accept themselves. Naoto said it's like... a Shadow's suppressed power, but when controlled by a person's ego it turns into a Persona.
[ so yes. the idea it can be removed is scary. ]
I still don't understand how it came back either, but I care less about that. I don't want to lose it ever again... to have to feel that weird emptiness.
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[ ... Hm. ]
I'll do my best to protect you, Hanamura-san.
[ So says the noncombatant. But that's quite a thing to lose, even temporarily. She's not sure how that feels, but she thinks it would leave her feeling even more empty than before.
... She doesn't want anyone else to feel empty. ]
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