[ She steps aside to let him enter. It's largely unremarkable. Her synthesizer is propped against one wall. Her bed is neatly made. There are no cats. ]
[ I'm very sorry to Tsukasa that he caught her like this, where her thoughts are beginning to tangle up in a kind of shaky scream. Even though her expression hasn't changed. ]
[ For a moment, Mafuyu just looks down at his hands. Their hands. She takes a breath, trying to steady the trembling. ]
I... I think I'm feeling too much. But there's a part of me that's still numb. I thought I could handle all of the strange things that have been happening, but this...
[ It was too much. She'd never seen someone die. Especially not that viscerally. Even if that river reversed things, it was something she was wholly unprepared for, and to have to desperately ignore it to get the other people free...
Her body and mind feel completely out of sync at the moment. ]
[ He's not wrong. This is an entirely different situation. Her emotions are swirling around and around, fear and distress and shock and grief and the knowledge that, despite all of that, they have to move forward. They can't stop. They have to keep going.
[ It's okay? But that's so much to deal with. That's so many feelings. It's so scary. Like she'll be tugged under a whirlpool that she won't be able to reemerge from before she drowns.
Her thoughts say as much, quiet and frantic in equal measure: I'm scared. I don't want to lose myself in this. It's so much. I'm so scared. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. ]
I--
[ It's all Mafuyu manages, strained--but he's gripping her so tightly, and it's almost automatic, instinct, that has her latching onto him just as desperately. ]
[... Her thoughts are painful to listen to, because he understands. It's so scary. It does hurt. It's so frightening.
But Tsukasa understands his emotions better than Mafuyu does. He hasn't been through the things she has, hasn't lost touch with his own feelings in the same way as her.
And that means he needs to be the one who stays strong for her right now as she clings to him, his arms wrapped around her.]
It's okay. If you do lose yourself, then I'll find you and bring you back. If you do fall apart, then I will help you pick up the pieces.
[ That would be platitudes, normally. Things her classmates would say, on a lesser level. "If you're not feeling okay, you can talk to us."
But he's seen her. He doesn't think she's perfect. He doesn't think she's always smiling and amicable and pleasant to be around. He knows all of that and says he'll bring her back if she falls too far.
Weirdly enough, she believes him, even if she wonders if it's just that she's stretched too taut right now and closer to her breaking point than she wants to be.
That much is out of her control, though. She recognizes that, as her vision wells up with tears and then she just buries her face in his neck, trembling.
No sobs. No wails.
But she is most certainly crying without trying to sort through it, without categorizing. ]
There it is. Tsukasa breathes out a shaky sigh, his own eyes a little wet as she cries. It's difficult not to, after all. After what they've both been through and seen, yes, but also--Mafuyu's already been through so much.
It isn't fair that she's here, going through all of this, when she's only just started to find herself.
... He closes his eyes, and remains like that, arms wrapped around her protectively as she cries.]
[ Sorry that she's a mess. There's a part of her that still feels ashamed of herself for it. A part of her that wants to do the same for him, because she's not the only one who's dealing with this right now. They've both been thrust into a situation they were wildly unprepared for. And Tsukasa is so kind and full of cheer and confidence...
What does she do for him? Why does it have to be him protecting her? How does she help him? Her fingers curl into the back of his shirt, and she doesn't really try to filter the words that emerge. ]
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depressured) wrote2025-11-03 09:04 pm
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Tsukasa.
[ She words it like a question, and it's a little cautious. You know. Because he was definitely cursed earlier. ]
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Mafuyu.
[...]
Do you mind if I come in?
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[ She steps aside to let him enter. It's largely unremarkable. Her synthesizer is propped against one wall. Her bed is neatly made. There are no cats. ]
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... I wanted to make sure that you're doing okay after... all of that.
[They did just watch two men die in front of them.]
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[ I'm very sorry to Tsukasa that he caught her like this, where her thoughts are beginning to tangle up in a kind of shaky scream. Even though her expression hasn't changed. ]
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[A frown, tight, his brows furrowed.]
That isn't exactly what I meant.
[After all of that, how... could anyone really be okay?]
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You mean after witnessing those... deaths, I assume.
[ Her thoughts are getting more staticky now. ]
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A shaky breath in at the word. When it's put that bluntly--
No, no, Tsukasa. Focus. Mafuyu also needs...]
... It was very chaotic and frightening for a while there. It's... important to not keep too much bottled up.
I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone right now.
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... Right.
Why is he thinking of me first when he's not fine himself? ]
I'm sorry... I was trying not to think about it. As hard as I could. There was a lot to focus on first.
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He chews on his lower lip for a moment.]
... If you aren't ready to think about it--we don't have to talk about it now.
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And then she holds out her hand, to let him see that her fingers are shaking. ]
I think it's too late for that.
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... He reaches out to take her hand in both of his, concealing the shaking in his own hands.]
... Let's sit down.
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He reaches out for her other hand as well, holding them between hers.]
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I... I think I'm feeling too much. But there's a part of me that's still numb. I thought I could handle all of the strange things that have been happening, but this...
[ It was too much. She'd never seen someone die. Especially not that viscerally. Even if that river reversed things, it was something she was wholly unprepared for, and to have to desperately ignore it to get the other people free...
Her body and mind feel completely out of sync at the moment. ]
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He needs to keep moving forward. Saki is waiting for him.
And...
... He swallows, eyes also on Mafuyu's hands in his own.]
This... is something different. It--I...
[Deep breath in. Don't heave, just breathe.]
... You can't be expected to know how to process something like this just because you've handled everything else this place has thrown your way.
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But... ]
My chest hurts. And I feel sick...
I-- [ Her breath hitches, voice breaking. ]
I don't--want to--fall apart...
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Tsukasa doesn't think about it. He just lets go of her hands to reach out and tug her into his arms in a tight hug.]
You aren't falling apart.
[Fiercely.]
Allowing yourself to feel everything you are feeling right now isn't falling apart. It's okay.
You don't have to hold back in this.
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Her thoughts say as much, quiet and frantic in equal measure: I'm scared. I don't want to lose myself in this. It's so much. I'm so scared. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. ]
I--
[ It's all Mafuyu manages, strained--but he's gripping her so tightly, and it's almost automatic, instinct, that has her latching onto him just as desperately. ]
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But Tsukasa understands his emotions better than Mafuyu does. He hasn't been through the things she has, hasn't lost touch with his own feelings in the same way as her.
And that means he needs to be the one who stays strong for her right now as she clings to him, his arms wrapped around her.]
It's okay. If you do lose yourself, then I'll find you and bring you back. If you do fall apart, then I will help you pick up the pieces.
You can count on me! So please... rely on me.
[And feel whatever you need to feel right now.]
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But he's seen her. He doesn't think she's perfect. He doesn't think she's always smiling and amicable and pleasant to be around. He knows all of that and says he'll bring her back if she falls too far.
Weirdly enough, she believes him, even if she wonders if it's just that she's stretched too taut right now and closer to her breaking point than she wants to be.
That much is out of her control, though. She recognizes that, as her vision wells up with tears and then she just buries her face in his neck, trembling.
No sobs. No wails.
But she is most certainly crying without trying to sort through it, without categorizing. ]
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There it is. Tsukasa breathes out a shaky sigh, his own eyes a little wet as she cries. It's difficult not to, after all. After what they've both been through and seen, yes, but also--Mafuyu's already been through so much.
It isn't fair that she's here, going through all of this, when she's only just started to find herself.
... He closes his eyes, and remains like that, arms wrapped around her protectively as she cries.]
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What does she do for him? Why does it have to be him protecting her? How does she help him? Her fingers curl into the back of his shirt, and she doesn't really try to filter the words that emerge. ]
I'm--here, t-too--
[ Feel what you need to. ]
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I know that you are. I'm... really, really grateful that that's the case.
[He's not alone right now. And that he's able to be of some use right now--that helps.
So long as Tenma Tsukasa is of use to the people he cares about in some way, shape or form, he'll always be able to stand back up and keep going.
(But he was absolutely useless earlier, when he watched two people die for the first time.)]
Thank you, Mafuyu.
[Without this, he can't say what sort of state he'd be in tomorrow.]
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I w-want to do more... but I don't know what to do... a-at all.
[ All she can do is be here. She's not sure that's enough, even if Tsukasa seems grateful for it. How could it possibly be enough? ]
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