[ For a moment, Mafuyu just looks down at his hands. Their hands. She takes a breath, trying to steady the trembling. ]
I... I think I'm feeling too much. But there's a part of me that's still numb. I thought I could handle all of the strange things that have been happening, but this...
[ It was too much. She'd never seen someone die. Especially not that viscerally. Even if that river reversed things, it was something she was wholly unprepared for, and to have to desperately ignore it to get the other people free...
Her body and mind feel completely out of sync at the moment. ]
[ He's not wrong. This is an entirely different situation. Her emotions are swirling around and around, fear and distress and shock and grief and the knowledge that, despite all of that, they have to move forward. They can't stop. They have to keep going.
[ It's okay? But that's so much to deal with. That's so many feelings. It's so scary. Like she'll be tugged under a whirlpool that she won't be able to reemerge from before she drowns.
Her thoughts say as much, quiet and frantic in equal measure: I'm scared. I don't want to lose myself in this. It's so much. I'm so scared. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. ]
I--
[ It's all Mafuyu manages, strained--but he's gripping her so tightly, and it's almost automatic, instinct, that has her latching onto him just as desperately. ]
[... Her thoughts are painful to listen to, because he understands. It's so scary. It does hurt. It's so frightening.
But Tsukasa understands his emotions better than Mafuyu does. He hasn't been through the things she has, hasn't lost touch with his own feelings in the same way as her.
And that means he needs to be the one who stays strong for her right now as she clings to him, his arms wrapped around her.]
It's okay. If you do lose yourself, then I'll find you and bring you back. If you do fall apart, then I will help you pick up the pieces.
[ That would be platitudes, normally. Things her classmates would say, on a lesser level. "If you're not feeling okay, you can talk to us."
But he's seen her. He doesn't think she's perfect. He doesn't think she's always smiling and amicable and pleasant to be around. He knows all of that and says he'll bring her back if she falls too far.
Weirdly enough, she believes him, even if she wonders if it's just that she's stretched too taut right now and closer to her breaking point than she wants to be.
That much is out of her control, though. She recognizes that, as her vision wells up with tears and then she just buries her face in his neck, trembling.
No sobs. No wails.
But she is most certainly crying without trying to sort through it, without categorizing. ]
There it is. Tsukasa breathes out a shaky sigh, his own eyes a little wet as she cries. It's difficult not to, after all. After what they've both been through and seen, yes, but also--Mafuyu's already been through so much.
It isn't fair that she's here, going through all of this, when she's only just started to find herself.
... He closes his eyes, and remains like that, arms wrapped around her protectively as she cries.]
[ Sorry that she's a mess. There's a part of her that still feels ashamed of herself for it. A part of her that wants to do the same for him, because she's not the only one who's dealing with this right now. They've both been thrust into a situation they were wildly unprepared for. And Tsukasa is so kind and full of cheer and confidence...
What does she do for him? Why does it have to be him protecting her? How does she help him? Her fingers curl into the back of his shirt, and she doesn't really try to filter the words that emerge. ]
The thought is quiet, almost peaceful. He breathes out a quiet sigh, and shakes his head, and admits:]
I... don't know what to do either.
[He's trying not to think about it too hard. He's trying not to focus on things he can't change. But this is untread, unknown territory. Tsukasa doesn't know any better than Mafuyu how to handle this.
Keep moving forward, step by step. Find Saki. Save everyone. That's all he knows, and he's clutching to it with all of his strength.]
But Mafuyu... I really do think--at least... at least for now, this is enough.
She's quiet, thinking that through, without it taking prevalence over the mess of her thoughts right now. But it's still important. It feels important. ]
... Then...
[ If it really helps... if it at least provides a sense of stability and solidarity, the way it has for her-- ]
[For now, they can just remain here like this, while both of them try to get their thoughts in order.
Tsukasa's own thoughts are very carefully blank, very carefully focused to a single point: to this moment only, to doing what he can right here and now.
The rest of the tangled mess he'll try to parse through later. This, after all, is how he handles things.]
Sort of. Neither one of them is willing to let go of the other until they're ready to be let go of, and there's too much to process that they can't fully process right now. Although Mafuyu's thoughts remain a jumbled mess of their own, they're muffled. She's Dealing.
But gradually, she's not sure what happens. Maybe she dozes off. Maybe he does. She doesn't remember. But it does eventually lead to the both of them toppling onto the bed proper and falling asleep. Or, rather. Passing out from sheer exhaustion.
[He doesn't mean to fall asleep. But... of course, he's exhausted. It has been an absolutely insane day on top of the rest of the insanity of the week (on top of the insanity of every other week since they've arrived).
Tsukasa hasn't stopped since the very beginning--hasn't been able to stop.
And now, while trying to keep Mafuyu afloat and parse his own troubled, tangled feelings about what just happened today, he finds himself slowly drifting off.
But of course, what just happened doesn't just disappear because they took a moment to hug and try to steady their feelings. They've only been asleep for an hour or two at the most when Tsukasa shifts, a distressed noise escaping him even in his sleep--his nightmares of monsters and blood, everywhere (so much blood), and the lifeless eyes of the people here who have become precious to him.]
[ Mafuyu is, for better or worse, used to nightmares. It usually involves powering through them or waking and just forcing herself to rest with her eyes closed without being able to fall back asleep.
But she's never slept beside someone, or while hugging them, and so when Tsukasa starts shifting and that distress both reaches her ears and those nightmarish thoughts follow suit, she opens her eyes.
Oh.
For a few minutes, Mafuyu just blinks and processes what's going on, both her thoughts and Tsukasa's a muddle while she's trying to figure out how they wound up like this in the first place.
But that distress takes precedence, and despite not really knowing what to do, she frees an arm, reaching out to brush his bangs away from his eyes. Something like additional, different contact. ]
[Tsukasa has never been a particularly light sleeper--but he's not sleeping well right now by any sense of the word.
So she brushes his bangs from his face and Tsukasa stirs slowly, brow furrowing--before he finally wakes up very suddenly with a sharp inhalation of air.
[ Very quietly. It's pretty much a whisper. There's no need to be loud when he's right there and it's late (but let's be real, she wouldn't be loud anyway). ]
[... He shakes his head a little at that, but he won't complain as she gets up to turn off the light.
Instead, he covers his eyes with an arm as he slumps back against the bed.]
I'm fine, really.
[He can't overthink this or he will force himself to get out of poor Mafuyu's bed and stagger his way back to his room, whether he's helping her by being here or not.]
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depressured) wrote2025-11-03 09:04 pm
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He reaches out for her other hand as well, holding them between hers.]
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I... I think I'm feeling too much. But there's a part of me that's still numb. I thought I could handle all of the strange things that have been happening, but this...
[ It was too much. She'd never seen someone die. Especially not that viscerally. Even if that river reversed things, it was something she was wholly unprepared for, and to have to desperately ignore it to get the other people free...
Her body and mind feel completely out of sync at the moment. ]
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He needs to keep moving forward. Saki is waiting for him.
And...
... He swallows, eyes also on Mafuyu's hands in his own.]
This... is something different. It--I...
[Deep breath in. Don't heave, just breathe.]
... You can't be expected to know how to process something like this just because you've handled everything else this place has thrown your way.
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But... ]
My chest hurts. And I feel sick...
I-- [ Her breath hitches, voice breaking. ]
I don't--want to--fall apart...
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Tsukasa doesn't think about it. He just lets go of her hands to reach out and tug her into his arms in a tight hug.]
You aren't falling apart.
[Fiercely.]
Allowing yourself to feel everything you are feeling right now isn't falling apart. It's okay.
You don't have to hold back in this.
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Her thoughts say as much, quiet and frantic in equal measure: I'm scared. I don't want to lose myself in this. It's so much. I'm so scared. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. ]
I--
[ It's all Mafuyu manages, strained--but he's gripping her so tightly, and it's almost automatic, instinct, that has her latching onto him just as desperately. ]
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But Tsukasa understands his emotions better than Mafuyu does. He hasn't been through the things she has, hasn't lost touch with his own feelings in the same way as her.
And that means he needs to be the one who stays strong for her right now as she clings to him, his arms wrapped around her.]
It's okay. If you do lose yourself, then I'll find you and bring you back. If you do fall apart, then I will help you pick up the pieces.
You can count on me! So please... rely on me.
[And feel whatever you need to feel right now.]
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But he's seen her. He doesn't think she's perfect. He doesn't think she's always smiling and amicable and pleasant to be around. He knows all of that and says he'll bring her back if she falls too far.
Weirdly enough, she believes him, even if she wonders if it's just that she's stretched too taut right now and closer to her breaking point than she wants to be.
That much is out of her control, though. She recognizes that, as her vision wells up with tears and then she just buries her face in his neck, trembling.
No sobs. No wails.
But she is most certainly crying without trying to sort through it, without categorizing. ]
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There it is. Tsukasa breathes out a shaky sigh, his own eyes a little wet as she cries. It's difficult not to, after all. After what they've both been through and seen, yes, but also--Mafuyu's already been through so much.
It isn't fair that she's here, going through all of this, when she's only just started to find herself.
... He closes his eyes, and remains like that, arms wrapped around her protectively as she cries.]
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What does she do for him? Why does it have to be him protecting her? How does she help him? Her fingers curl into the back of his shirt, and she doesn't really try to filter the words that emerge. ]
I'm--here, t-too--
[ Feel what you need to. ]
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I know that you are. I'm... really, really grateful that that's the case.
[He's not alone right now. And that he's able to be of some use right now--that helps.
So long as Tenma Tsukasa is of use to the people he cares about in some way, shape or form, he'll always be able to stand back up and keep going.
(But he was absolutely useless earlier, when he watched two people die for the first time.)]
Thank you, Mafuyu.
[Without this, he can't say what sort of state he'd be in tomorrow.]
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I w-want to do more... but I don't know what to do... a-at all.
[ All she can do is be here. She's not sure that's enough, even if Tsukasa seems grateful for it. How could it possibly be enough? ]
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The thought is quiet, almost peaceful. He breathes out a quiet sigh, and shakes his head, and admits:]
I... don't know what to do either.
[He's trying not to think about it too hard. He's trying not to focus on things he can't change. But this is untread, unknown territory. Tsukasa doesn't know any better than Mafuyu how to handle this.
Keep moving forward, step by step. Find Saki. Save everyone. That's all he knows, and he's clutching to it with all of his strength.]
But Mafuyu... I really do think--at least... at least for now, this is enough.
[For him. Hopefully for her, as well.]
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She's quiet, thinking that through, without it taking prevalence over the mess of her thoughts right now. But it's still important. It feels important. ]
... Then...
[ If it really helps... if it at least provides a sense of stability and solidarity, the way it has for her-- ]
I'll hold on. As long as you want me to.
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... Thank you, Mafuyu.
[For now, they can just remain here like this, while both of them try to get their thoughts in order.
Tsukasa's own thoughts are very carefully blank, very carefully focused to a single point: to this moment only, to doing what he can right here and now.
The rest of the tangled mess he'll try to parse through later. This, after all, is how he handles things.]
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Sort of. Neither one of them is willing to let go of the other until they're ready to be let go of, and there's too much to process that they can't fully process right now. Although Mafuyu's thoughts remain a jumbled mess of their own, they're muffled. She's Dealing.
But gradually, she's not sure what happens. Maybe she dozes off. Maybe he does. She doesn't remember. But it does eventually lead to the both of them toppling onto the bed proper and falling asleep. Or, rather. Passing out from sheer exhaustion.
This is not romantic, voyeurs. ]
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Tsukasa hasn't stopped since the very beginning--hasn't been able to stop.
And now, while trying to keep Mafuyu afloat and parse his own troubled, tangled feelings about what just happened today, he finds himself slowly drifting off.
But of course, what just happened doesn't just disappear because they took a moment to hug and try to steady their feelings. They've only been asleep for an hour or two at the most when Tsukasa shifts, a distressed noise escaping him even in his sleep--his nightmares of monsters and blood, everywhere (so much blood), and the lifeless eyes of the people here who have become precious to him.]
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But she's never slept beside someone, or while hugging them, and so when Tsukasa starts shifting and that distress both reaches her ears and those nightmarish thoughts follow suit, she opens her eyes.
Oh.
For a few minutes, Mafuyu just blinks and processes what's going on, both her thoughts and Tsukasa's a muddle while she's trying to figure out how they wound up like this in the first place.
But that distress takes precedence, and despite not really knowing what to do, she frees an arm, reaching out to brush his bangs away from his eyes. Something like additional, different contact. ]
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So she brushes his bangs from his face and Tsukasa stirs slowly, brow furrowing--before he finally wakes up very suddenly with a sharp inhalation of air.
--?!]
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[ Very quietly. It's pretty much a whisper. There's no need to be loud when he's right there and it's late (but let's be real, she wouldn't be loud anyway). ]
You were having a nightmare.
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[He breathes out shakily, slowly processing that, before he slumps back to the bed with a groan.]
Right, of course... that's all it was...
[...
...
... Hang on a minute.]
M-Mafuyu?! I--I apologize, I must have fallen asleep on you--!
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[ She finds she doesn't really care about the timeline of events. ]
I didn't mind. I think it helped, a little.
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He shouldn't just relax like this, he thinks, but--
"I think it helped, a little."
All he really wants, right now, is to help. To be helpful, of use...
... He's still tired, and as the hints of that nightmare fade... he finds he doesn't want to leave.]
... Okay. Then--go back to sleep.
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[ She blinks, studying him. And then-- ]
At least let me turn off the light. Do you want a blanket? [ He's the one who had a nightmare. Maybe he needs to be more comfortable. ]
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Instead, he covers his eyes with an arm as he slumps back against the bed.]
I'm fine, really.
[He can't overthink this or he will force himself to get out of poor Mafuyu's bed and stagger his way back to his room, whether he's helping her by being here or not.]
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